Hello, hello dear polyamorous friends! Have you recently meet any new interesting polyamorous person? Or are you a habitually monogamous person but wanting to know and learn from other affective-sexual options like polyamory? Whatever your choice… we welcome you to our polyamory blog here at Poliamoris!
Did you know that maybe you could be in a relationship anarchy and you didn’t know it? That is why today we will talk about this subject and we will give you a few keys to understand this type of relationship that has something to do with polyamory, but not as much as it seems.
As its name indicates, it is an anarchy in the relationships that are established with various people and is based on the opposition and abolition of all authority, hierarchy, or control that is imposed on the individual. The term relationship anarchy was defined by Andie Nordgren (queer activist) in 2006.
You want to know more? Here we go with the most important points.
LOVE FOR EVERYONE AND EQUALLY
What matters in relationship anarchy is the individual and this cannot be limited to just one couple but to the ones he or she wants and decides. It is clear that you must be sincere about your way of acting so as not to confuse others, but still, everyone should understand your way of acting and living relationships. The concept of love or loving a person is unlimited and not because you love others means that you love your other relationships less.
The concept that some relationships are more important than others (hierarchical polyamory) is eliminated. They are all important in your life and are worth the same, whether for the sexual or sentimental issue. What matters are the relations that exist between individuals and these are masters of their feelings and their actions.
Summarizing, what matters is the person himself and how he feels and not the relationships he may have and what they expect from what they can be given.
Within relationship anarchy there may be polyamorous people, of course, but they cannot close their relationships or carry the relational hierarchy as a flag.
NEITHER OBLIGATIONS OR RIGHTS
Just because you have a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that they should give you explanations of what they do or should be “faithful” to you or what we consider to be faithful. The most important thing in relationship anarchy is the independence in mind and body of people, whether they are with more or less people in their lives. No one has the right to demand that others act one way or another because they are together. Because loving or loving someone is not committing for life but respecting that everyone can choose their path outside of one or more relationships.
Creating rules and exceptions moves away from the concept of relationship anarchy since these in many cases are created to control and feel like others are our property. The concept of romantic love does create them and we can also see them in some polyamorous relationships when you want to close the circle (or create a hierarchy where some relationships are more important than the rest). Love can exist without limits to the person or persons involved in a polyamorous relationship. And I say polyamorous because it is about loving many people, which in this case is loving feeling that the only valuable thing is what one feels and accepting that others can act like us.
SPONTANEITY AND DIALOGUE ABOVE ALL
Being free of demands, you can act the way you want and when you want. If everyone involved knows how you choose relationship anarchy (dialogue is always the most important when many people are involved) there should be no problem.
And yes, you can make pacts with others to share your life, your home and even have children, but that doesn’t mean you have to act like others do. You should create agreements far from the daily norms and move away from what you have been told to do if, for example, you have children. Love in relationship anarchy can be authentic if everyone involved is aware of each other’s feelings and respects a different way of conducting a relationship or relationships.
IS RELATIONSHIP ANARCHY FOR EVERYONE?
As Andie Nordgren rightly says in her relationship anarchy manifesto, in order to transform our chaotic surroundings and full of outdated norms, the most important thing is to use dialogue to transform our reality. Communication and joint actions for change are the only way to escape what is established as correct. Therefore, if you feel that you are made to be in a relationship of this type, the most important thing is that you communicate it to your lovers, partners or relationships and you all establish some bases without these being strict and limiting the actions or feelings of all. those involved.
Relationship anarchy is a free love, without distinctions. It leaves freedom for you and your partners by creating a personal space for love, sexual or not. Because with some people you would like to be more intimate without actually having sex and with others, perhaps the opposite.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE THEN BETWEEN RELATIONSHIP ANARCHY AND POLYAMORY?
As Andie Nordgren said in an interview with The Cut, relationship anarchy is deconstructing all the parts of your relationships (partner, cohabitation, love and sex) so that they don’t all have to be in the same person. You don’t necessarily have to have all of that in your relationship and you also don’t have to prioritize your sexual relationships over those you have with your other relationships. The key is finding the way you connect with someone, and cultivating the part that works for you, regardless of society’s expectations of what you should do.
Why can’t you have a romantic friendship or a sexual friend that you’re not otherwise involved with? Why can’t you have a partner you’re not romantic or sexual with? The terms monogamy and polyamory talk a lot about sex and romance, when there are people who are not romantic or are asexual, and those people also have relationships (and would enter into relationship anarchist).
In summary, you can be polyamorous and be in relationship anarchy, but polyamory is not a subset of relational anarchy and vice versa. And, for example, swingers are not in relationship anarchy since they restrict the sentimental part and the couple. They are open about sexuality, but they have a lot of rules and one of them can’t just have sex and go on their own with third parties or other partners without the consent of their original partner. There are open swinger relationships, yes, but it is not the most common.
I hope that with all these explanations you have clarified yourself regarding this concept that serves to differentiate our way of relating to others, which is what it is about. Love above all!
And as always, if you are interested in other types of alternative relationships such as polyamory, open relationships, swingers and much more, do not forget to register for free in Poliamoris and download our App to meet like-minded people with the same common interest.
Lots of polyamorous hugs and kisses to all! Until next time!
