In this world of polyamory no two agreements are the same, but I want to share with you the common points that I consider that every agreement, regardless of the form in which it materializes, must have in order to be what I call a success.
What is a successful polyamory agreement?
A successful polyamory agreement is one that is consciously formulated and seeks to be coherent with each person’s way of being so that relationships flow fullness.
In this way, the dynamics of time and space of each relationship are materialized according to the interests that motivate each relationship instead of being based on privileges demanded by labels such as ‘girlfriend’, ‘friend’ or ‘lover’, for example.
4 essential characteristics of successful partnerships:
- The terms are usually fixed or modifiable over time. This brings us to the next point:
- Common sense and the greatest common good, sine quanon maintain these types of agreements. Which brings us to the next point:
- They are not useful for people who seek to feel exclusivity or privilege and who do not want to change these behaviours, as sooner or later they will try to impose their desires on common sense, truncating the flow of relationships. Which brings us to the next point:
- All people involved must desire with their souls to be governed by unconditional love, this gives them the strength to push through any fears, insecurities or jelousy that could exist until they are neutralized.
Well, you may be asking yourself, how do I put all this beautiful theory into practice now?
To do so, the first thing I recommend is that you describe your current moment in as much detail as possible.
Express on paper all your concerns, your commitments, your personal interests, your availability and what you want to materialise in your relational life in the short and long term.
Perhaps ask yourself, where do I want to get with polyamory?
After having done this task, look at your links or visualize the future people you would like to link up with and ask yourself what you have in common and what really unites you, as this will be the reason for your polyamorous relationship, therefore, the starting point of the time and space you will share.
Polyamorous cohabitation in practice.
A question I recommend to meditate on is: how do you want to live?
Do you want to live alone or be part of a network? To create a family or join un raising other children? To live in a state of relational anarchy or to have an open relationship?
You may not ask yourself this question in your youth, but it will help you to be clear about your boundaries and priorities when you are getting to know someone to see how your lifestyles fit into a common everyday life. You may fall in love with multiple people, but they will not always want the same things to uphold a life together.
Asking these questions doesn’t mean having clear answers, everything comes at its own pace… You may even make a mistake to realise what is possible.
Don’t beat yourself up over it if you didn’t mean to, experience is the mother of learning.
Polyamory agreements are reviewed.
Of course, there are parts of the agreements that are flexible, as you are not the same person in your twenties as you are in your thirties, and life takes many turns.
I always advise doing from awareness rather than anxiety or simply believing that you “need” a change for no reason, as this is usually an escape route that in the long run resurfaces without having gone to the bottom of the issue and destroy everything you have created…