Hello friends of Poliamoris! Today we bring you something very special: the interview conducted by Esther Riera, a sexologist and therapist for sex-affective relationships, from Sexabilities, with the swinger couple formed by Olga and Sergio, known on social media as Esencia Salvaje. Their content, in which they speak clearly, openly, and without taboos, has already accumulated millions of views, normalizing non-monogamies and providing valuable insights to anyone with questions or contemplating ethical, honest, and responsible non-monogamous relationships.
Hello Olga! Hello Sergio! I’m delighted for the opportunity to interview you and get to know you better. Your content normalizes and contributes significantly to people who are considering taking the step and becoming a swinger couple or trying polyamory in their lives. How long have you been together? How did you meet?
We’ve been together for 1 year and 5 months. We matched on an app in Puigcerdà, nearly 200 km away from our homes! But that didn’t stop us from meeting and getting to know each other a few days later.
Did you meet and start the relationship as a swinger couple? Did you talk about your way of living sex-affective relationships and how to manage them together? Have you established agreements in your relationship?
At the beginning, neither of us wanted to have a partner. Sergio had just gone through a divorce, and I, Olga, had been single for almost 4 years, and, to be honest, I was quite content being on my own, with no intention of partnering up again. I had had negative experiences in the past with my exes and didn’t believe much in the conventional relationship model, even though I had always lived monogamously. That’s why we began to explore other non-monogamous relationship models because they resonated with our personalities. When we formalized our relationship, we decided to step out of society’s established patterns.
From the very start, we’ve always talked openly with each other about everything and our emotions, even how we feel when we meet other people. Sincerity and communication are fundamental pillars in our relationship, so besides being a committed couple, we’re best friends and confidants who share everything. Our relationship fluctuates and evolves, so it has gone through different stages: open, swingers, we even closed it off for a while… and now we want to experience polyamory. From the beginning, we tried not to set too many rules because we felt they would limit us and detract from the beautiful and wild nature of our relationship.
However, the only emotional agreement we have is that we will never hurt each other, and therefore, other people must get along with both of us. Regarding sex, we established the fluid bonding agreement to ensure that we can enjoy our sexuality without jeopardizing each other’s health.
For people who have doubts about the swinger lifestyle and partner swapping… could you tell us a bit about your relationship philosophy/ethics? What requirements should be met?
There are many terms to define the various relationship models within non-monogamy. These concepts are very useful for people who are starting to explore and define the kind of relationship model they want. However, we don’t follow any established patterns and are guided by our feelings and emotions based on where our relationship stands at the moment. This requires a lot of empathy and no shame in acknowledging and expressing our feelings to each other.
There are some fundamental principles that are crucial for us to have a very healthy, beautiful, and evolved relationship. These are: sincerity, respect, freedom, and, above all, communication.
How did you realize that this was your relationship model, both on a personal level and as a couple?
It’s something that develops over the years. Both of us had experienced monogamous relationships, but there was something inside us that told us we didn’t want to fit into that model. When we met and started seeing each other, we realized we had many things in common and shared the same life philosophy. Shortly after getting to know each other, Sergio brought up the non-monogamy topic through a recommended book, and it was effortless for both of us to openly discuss our preferences when forming connections. Once we established our relationship, we began to experiment with open relationships and interacting with other people, and we found that we felt very comfortable with this new relationship model while our love grew.
Do you have any set limits or criteria for choosing or discarding partners?
Currently, we meet with other couples together and separately. We don’t have many limits. The one rule we established from the beginning of our relationship is to never hurt each other. For example, if Sergio were to meet a girl who doesn’t like me and starts disrespecting me, he wouldn’t see her again. In fact, something very similar happened to us.
How do you meet people? I’ve seen on your social media that you visit swinger clubs. Do you think more people are considering open relationships these days?
We meet people and couples through both open-minded and non-open-minded apps, as well as through Instagram. We have also met several couples in swinger clubs and at private parties. Of course, more and more people and couples are considering opening up or having a liberal relationship. We are not monogamous by nature; it’s something imposed by society, which once had its reasons but now lacks any objective reasoning beyond ideology and cultural tradition. Therefore, it’s entirely natural that more and more people are considering this relationship model.
What is your opinion of spaces designed for swinger couples? What would you highlight about swinger clubs (positive or negative)? What about apps?
It’s great that there are clubs, parties, fairs, events, etc., dedicated to liberal people and the swinger world. People shouldn’t hide or keep their sexuality such a secret because it’s a right that we all have. The most positive aspect of clubs is that you can find open-minded, cheerful people with whom you can have meaningful conversations about everything. There is a lot of respect in these environments, which provides great peace of mind when interacting with others, as we have never felt pressured to do anything we didn’t want to. In fact, I have sometimes felt more intimidated at a regular nightclub, for example, than at a swinger club. We believe that using apps like Poliamoris is very useful for meeting people and couples with similar tastes. However, some of these apps have many fake profiles and people pretending to be someone they’re not.
In the swinger world, when connecting with others, many couples completely separate the intimate and emotional aspects, reserving love and affection as exclusive to their established partner. What is your opinion on separating the emotional from the intimate? How do you manage it?
That’s true; in fact, we initially opted for that relationship model because we didn’t have enough confidence in each other and didn’t know each other as deeply as we do now. We believe it’s entirely valid for couples to agree on this type of arrangement. Ultimately, both members of the couple should be happy and enjoy their experiences. If they feel comfortable in that relationship model, it’s perfect for them. What matters is that both partners agree and enjoy themselves.
For us, introducing the emotional aspect was like leveling up because it requires a much higher degree of communication and trust to prevent misunderstandings and, most importantly, to avoid unpleasant experiences. It’s natural that sometimes there may be misunderstandings or jealousy issues. That’s why Sergio and I discuss everything before and after a date, sometimes even during the date. This way, we can enjoy other people not just on a sexual level, which is great, but also on a deeper emotional level. Connecting emotionally with other people is what truly fulfills us, making the sexual aspect even more enjoyable.
I know that you care about normalizing and promoting the swinger and liberal lifestyle on your social media and events. Do you think there are still prejudices and a lack of information about partner swapping?
Today, it’s vital to normalize the world of non-monogamy and polyamory because unfortunately, there are still many fears, myths, and prejudices preventing people from enjoying their sexuality freely and fully. Many closed-minded individuals continue to criticize and judge anyone who deviates from societal norms, and we believe this is detrimental to those who, without harming anyone, want to live their lives freely.
There is still a lack of information and, above all, a need to debunk false prejudices because many people have misconceptions about what it means to be open-minded. That’s why we share information about non-monogamy and vigorously defend respect, love, and freedom for all.
Do you think that more and more people are interested in and informed about polyamory and non-monogamous relationships?
In the last three months, our account has had over 60 million views on social media, helping many people become better informed and interested in the liberal lifestyle in a healthy way. Additionally, many media outlets such as La Vanguardia, El Mundo, Cuatro, Huffpost, Cabronazi, etc., have picked up on our informative message. This helps normalize non-monogamy and allows people to feel more comfortable discussing and expressing it openly.
Your content is focused on humor and you speak with great warmth, naturalness, clarity, and closeness about your relationship. You seek both maximum virality and, at the same time, aim to inform and normalize honest and conscious non-monogamies. Why did you decide to take this step and have this exposure on social media?
We had been using social media for a year to promote healthy eating, training, stoicism, emotional management, and general health habits. Non-monogamy is just one aspect of our lives, but we believe there is a lot of misunderstanding surrounding it. We wanted to shed light on this subject to dispel unfounded fears and prejudices. After discussing our relationship and how we manage our feelings with a specialist psychologist who praised us and congratulated us on our maturity, we decided to openly talk about ourselves to help millions of people normalize this topic.
You receive many comments of all kinds, especially from people who are completely unaware and hold misconceptions about what a relationship like yours entails. What would you say to your fans? And to the haters?
To our fans, we say not to worry because criticisms don’t affect us. Critics speak from their fears and frustrations, not about us. To the haters, we genuinely wish they would open their minds and learn to be more inclusive and respectful, especially for their own happiness and well-being. Together, we can create a better world with more love and freedom.
Do you believe that many monogamous people and couples would consider the swinger and polyamory lifestyle as their primary option in life if they knew more about ethical and responsible non-monogamies?
Without a doubt, in fact, we receive daily messages of thanks and requests for help from people and couples who have decided to open up their relationship or start one based on our testimony.
What do you consider to be the positive and negative aspects of the swinger world?
As a positive aspect, we highlight the respectful, inclusive, and tolerant atmosphere that exists within this world. We also value the valuable friendships formed by getting close to other open-minded and awakened individuals. On the negative side, some people or couples within the liberal world still fear being visible because they are afraid of being judged. There are also opportunistic individuals who use the label of “liberal” to conceal infidelity.
Have you ever considered a monogamous relationship, polyamorous relationship, or integrating a third person into your relationship to form a triad?
Today, we believe in polyamory, so we are open to meeting people and forming stable and lasting bonds. We meet several times and repeat with the same person, and communication and trust are essential. In fact, there isn’t a day that goes by without us discussing our feelings and where we stand as a couple. We would be thrilled to fall in love with a third person, whether it’s a guy or a girl. We are open to forming a throuple.
What three keys would you recommend for couples considering a swinger relationship for the first time?
The three keys to success are super simple: communication, respect, and sincerity.
What are your thoughts on a platform like Poliamoris, which connects people with the same relationship model? Would you encourage users to try it and normalize non-monogamous relationships in their lives?
Apps like Poliamoris are of great help and much needed for people to connect with others who share their emotional preferences. We definitely recommend that anyone interested in the liberal world and looking to explore it give it a try.
Thank you very much for this conversation! We have loved getting to know you and learning more about your relationship and the liberal world. Where can we follow you to continue learning with you about honest and responsible “frisky frisky”?