Hello, hello dear polyamorous people! How is life treating you? Whether you are meeting new people or expanding your circle, you should know that in this wide and complex world of love, there are many ways to handle your relationship. And yes, you can have one or several relationships since we are in a polyamorous blog, what had you thought? That is why today we are going to talk about open relationships, what are they? can they be classified within polyamory? are they for you?
Well, as always we will go in parts and we will explain everything little by little so that you can understand the subject and discover at the end if we fit into open relationships or more into relational anarchy, swinging or polyamory. Topics that, certainly, we have dealed or will deal with in this polyamory magazine.
And before we start, let’s clarify the main differences between for example, swingers or polyamorous people. The first ones have purely sexual relationships with others outside their partner and the second ones can have more than one love relationship at the same time (several partners). So knowing this we can say that open relationships could be somewhere in between swingers and polyamory.
Would you like to know more? Here we go!
What are Open Relationships?
An openness towards other people
What is about being able to meet (and even have sex) with other people on our own and without any problems. Of course, respecting our partner. As a general rule, people do things together and if they meet up with another couple to exchange partners, they don’t usually do it separately. In this case you would be free to meet other people but…. You can’t do what you want 100% as that would be more like relational anarchy. And, as the name indicates, open relationships are practised by couples and not by single people.
Some people start in an open relationship in order to follow “out of sight, out of mind”. And that’s fine, as long as you both put jealousy aside and are on the same page. Because even if you can’t see, if you know that your partner is with someone else at any given moment, you may feel doubts and despair. Calm and dialogue. Dialogue and calm.
Something for married couples, couples, swingers…
Yes, open relationships can be practiced by people within the swinger environment because they want to meet others separately. Polyamorous people can also have an open relationship, of course they can! Because they can have several partners and want to go on their own, at a given moment why not?
Lastly, we would have married couples who have been together for a long time and, due to lack of passion or lack of sex, they choose to open up the couple to experience something new. Watch out for this! First of all the best thing to do is to solve the problems in the couple or marriage before starting an open relationship, otherwise you take the risk that someone else will bring you something more than your partner and it will end up in confusion.
One on one side and one on the other
As you hear (or read in this case). In some cases, one partner may want to open up the relationship and the other may not. If they come to an agreement there is no problem and one of them could be free to do what they want as long as they accept a set of rules or norms. It is a difficult way to handle an open relationship because sooner or later jealousy may arise.
A good way to live apart
If you have to spend some time apart for work, school or another compelling reason , open relationships can be a good option. And yes, looking at the previous point, it could be the case that one of the two wishes to go it alone while being separated and the other would still be monogamous.
Maybe we love our partner very much, but we need to be with other people while we don’t have them by our side. However, come to an agreement before anything else, because otherwise it will be considered infidelity. And, whatever happens, let there be dialogue.
What are NOT Open Relationships?
Do what you want
You cannot neglect your relationship to go with other people as the priority is always your partner (or it should be). If you open the couple it is to explore other ways, but always bare in mind other people they are attracted to, with the exception that these other relationship sare still casual. In other words, you can have sex with whomever you want, but without seeking intimate and committed relationships with other partners. I clarify that this last point is denied by some who say that you can fall in love outside of your open relationship. I think that would be more of a polyamory, what do you think?
According to what they say on the website, you have to dedicate more time to your main partner than to the others, so open relationships become more of become more of a punctual and independent outburst than something free and polyamorous (or relational anarchy).
Have no rules
Be careful with this. In the case of relational anarchy you are free to fall in love and do whatever you want (as long as others know about it, of course). In open relationships a series of rules and limits are established, such as for example, that you cannot fall in love with the other person or give them secondary treatment, since the main partner is who they are and must remain that way. If these rules are not respected, we could say that we are cheating on our partner, since in open relationships the limits must be clear in order to build trust between those involved and to avoid misunderstandings.
As in everything, the rules or limits can be modified if the couple sees that they are comfortable with how things are going. We always say it, but this is the way it is, dialogue and sincerity are very important.
In reality everyone chooses the rules that suit them. Because there will be people who don’t mind their partner falling in love with others, as long as they respect the primary relationship.
Meeting your partner’s lovers
As a general rule, as nothing is ever 100%, the point is to do what you want outside your relationship. In the case that you want to open up the core and also have a relationship with your partner’s lover or mistress, we would be leaning more towards polyamory. And it can come up, of course it can, but at that point we have to agree on everything again and see what we all want.
We can not limit ourselves because at the beginning we start with an open relationship. This can mutate into a polyamorous relationship, swinger or whatever.
In open relationships what matters is the main partner and what is done outside of it is considered secondary. As we said in the previous point, nothing is 100% accurate, and some may say that both their main relationship and thte others are important. In that case we would be talking about polyamory or relational anarchy. Be careful with that because it is not the same thing although they share certain aspects. That is why, it is good to review these points from time to time (or recommend them to those you consider, hahaha).
It should be clarified that there are always nuances and small differences between different open relationships because each person is unique and everyone knows themselves and their partner (or should) and knows where the limits are.
That’s all for today, we hope all this information has been useful to you!
Lots of polyamorous hugs and kisses to all of you! See you next time!
If you are a person or couple who has an open relationship, or if you don’t have experience, but you are interested in knowing this option, you can register for free in Poliamoris , download our App, check the option “Open Relationship”, and meet like-minded people with the same interest in common.