Hello, hello, dear friends of Poliamoris! Today we are going to talk about a topic that seems to be clear, but sometimes when it comes down to it, we have many doubts: Swingers! And where does that word come from? Well it cames from swing, balance, or sway. Because that’s ultimately what swingers do, they swing between their partner and others. Yes, we all know that swingers practice partner swapping.
However, sometimes in the swinger world, there are people who also engage in threesomes, orgies, or gang bangs, although partner swapping is the most common practice. And whatever they do, it can be heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual practices. Long live diversity!
But are swingers polyamorous? Let’s see, what is clear is that they are non-monogamous and they would be in the orbit of polyamory without directly touching it. They share certain aspects with polyamory or people in open or liberal relationships, but it’s not as simple as it seems. That’s why we have prepared today’s post for you, to clarify all those doubts that we may have when starting in the swinger world with our partner. It also serves for those who have already tried it but may have some questions… What can we do and what can’t we do?
5 THINGS THAT SWINGERS DO
THEY REMAIN FAITHFUL TO THEIR PARTNER
Yes, emotionally speaking, of course. They go to swingers clubs or meet privately with other swinger couples. But trust and honesty are very important when talking to other people. The intention is not to get emotionally involved, only sexually. That’s why, if you pay attention to other platforms or communities that are more focused on swingers, their members have no qualms about showing their naked bodies and even their genitals. Because for them, the goal is to have a sexual exchange of partners, not an emotional one. Falling in love with other people or couples is not part of the game, and in many cases, if that happens, it can mean the end of the relationship. So, be careful with that.
In summary: they are emotionally monogamous and sexually non-monogamous.
THEY PLAY TOGETHER OR AS A COUPLE
This needs to be clarified. By playing, we mean having sex with other couples, either in the same room or separately, in different rooms of the same house or venue. Swingers go to gatherings together and leave together. Going to a party on your own while your partner stays at home would be more like an open or polyamorous relationship if there are feelings involved.
Swingers do everything together, although they may separate at a given moment and engage in sexual activities in different parts of a club, hotel, or house. It depends on each individual’s preference. Those who are more voyeuristic enjoy watching their partner have a good time while they do the same.
And please note that in clubs or parties, there may be people who are not swingers but are in an open relationship.
And what types of games can swingers engage in? Because it’s not all about penetration:
- Exhibition swinging: having sex with your partner in front of other swingers or people who observe. This is sometimes done among beginners and is a good way to break the ice.
- Soft swinging: only kisses and oral sex are allowed between couples. Penetration would only be done with the original partners.
- Full swapping: penetration with the other couple and whatever else may happen.
THE RULE OF NO
In the swinger world, especially in places like clubs or private parties, when someone politely approaches you seeking attention, you can say no, and this must be strictly respected. Woe to those who continue to insist like in vanilla nightclubs! The hosts of a swinger club or party can immediately expel someone if they do not respect the NO from a couple or a member of a couple.
A “no” means that person does not want anything to do with you, and no explanations can be demanded.
Therefore, swingers strictly respect the “no” of others.
THEY COMMUNICATE EVERYTHING WITH EACH OTHER
Woe to those who speak privately with other couples or members of other couples and keep it a secret! As with everything, affection and love can arise between some members of the couples, and speaking in secret may be an indication of that. Monogamous emotional commitment is something that cannot be broken unless there is consensus between both members of the couple and an agreement is reached. Their swinger relationship could turn into an open one or a polyamorous one, who knows?
THEY KEEP THEIR LIFESTYLE A SECRET
Well, nothing is ever 100%, but the swinger world is made up of couples, many of whom have traditional families and even children. Since they believe in emotional monogamy, they think that what they do should be kept private because it’s just about sex. They don’t feel the need to introduce the person they hooked up with the previous weekend to their parents.
However, there are people who publicly declare themselves as swingers or admit to having practiced partner swapping, but they never disclose who they have been with because it’s not important and nobody cares. It’s just casual encounters. It’s like when you’re single and have sex with many people. You don’t need to introduce all those people publicly: it stays a secret between them and you.
Alright, having listed the main aspects of swingers, let’s briefly clarify what they don’t do or what they are not. Here we go!
5 THINGS THAT SWINGERS DON’T DO
FALL IN LOVE
Love is not part of the equation. It’s risky, yes, because there are people who, due to close contact, a pleasant conversation, and an unforgettable moment, can develop feelings for another person. And even more so if that couple doesn’t have a good sexual or emotional health. Therefore, if you fall in love or start feeling something for another person, it’s best to communicate it to your partner as soon as possible.
ALWAYS REPEAT WITH THE SAME COUPLE OR PERSON
Repeating is a risk and something that swingers usually don’t do (or shouldn’t do). In the case of always repeating with the same couple (something that can happen), you may end up falling into the previous point. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but you should be clear and let the other couple know that you would like to start something more serious with them and see what they think about it.
Because being a swinger means trying with different couples and moving on. If your goal is to always be with the same people, maybe a polyamorous relationship is more suitable for you. Don’t deny what your heart tells you!
GO ON THEIR OWN
As a emotionally bonded couple, swingers prefer to be with their partner while being with other people in the same place. It doesn’t mean being in an open relationship, but being in a relationship where both care about their partner’s feelings and what they will be doing at any given moment. And the saying “out of sight, out of mind” applies to other types of relationships.
TALK PRIVATELY WITH OTHER PEOPLE
Just like in monogamous relationships, talking privately about certain topics and flirting with members of other couples or single individuals is considered deception. Don’t do it.
SHARE THEIR LIVES WITH OTHER COUPLES
When they leave clubs or parties or when the night ends, everyone returns to their lives, and “out of sight, out of mind.” Maintaining privacy is paramount, as mentioned before, and it’s not common to see swinger couples socializing outside of their encounters. And remember, they can meet up for a drink at a bar for a night because that’s part of the game, but not as a daily occurrence.
Can they become friends? Yes, as long as boundaries are respected.
AND YOU? ARE YOU A SWINGER?
Aaand, that’s it for this overview of the commandments (if you can call them that) of what swingers do and don’t do.
It’s important to note that there are always nuances and small differences among the couples within that world. Additionally, there are the so-called “swingles,” who are single individuals within the swinger scene. They attend swinger parties and events and sporadically meet with other couples because they share the same way of experiencing sexuality. Swingles can sometimes be the unicorns for a couple, but that’s a topic we might discuss in the near future.
That’s all for today. We hope that all this information has been useful to you! If you’re a person or couple with experience in the swinger world or if you’re curious about exploring this option, you can sign up for free on Poliamoris, download our app, select the “Swingers” option, and meet like-minded people with the same interest.
Many polyamorous hugs and kisses to all! Until next time!